Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
