what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
