We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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