yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
whose ass print is on the piano?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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