Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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