when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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