I want to make a zoo with you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
