There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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