I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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