Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
