I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
