Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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