and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
