I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
