Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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