five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
