Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
