I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
