god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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