"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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