I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's shark week go big or go home
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
