Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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