I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
