I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
