Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
