i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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