If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
