Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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