she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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