the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
