All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
