meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
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Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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