I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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