Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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