It was confusing and full of hummus
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
