Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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