Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize