ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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