new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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