I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
