There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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