I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I FOUND THE LEGS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
