I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
