hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
