Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wear drunk well.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
