I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Alive.
So much puke
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
