I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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