I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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