Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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