I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
