this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
