You can't special order awesome
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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