I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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