rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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