She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
