So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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