if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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