Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
