problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
