My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
