toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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