We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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