just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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