I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The uberlube is also flammable
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
