So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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