there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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