Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need moral support for this bender
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
