You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
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I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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