Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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